Reliving parts of life.

For the past year now every time i lay down or just try to relax its like i 'relive' the most dramatic parts of my life. I can hear everything that was said, and can see everything so clearly and the exact same emotions comes rushing back to me.
Told momma that i think i may have STPD but thats for people who has seen life threatening events (ex. a murder, robbery etc) So i know thats not it.
I just wish one night i can get to bed at a decent hour and not stay up to 2,3,4 oclock in the morning every single night. and one night i can be stress, emotional free from all the memories from 2007 and beyond.

oh baby baby baby

from the title of the blog you might can go with one or a million things of what this is about. but its about babies!

I am 24 years old, single, and i want my own family. Yes i want my own family. I see piratically atleast once a month on my facebook that someone is expecting a child, someone is getting married, someone just got engaged. and i cant help but think "When is it my turn" and "why not me." It got a little bit easier until about July at the end of the month and my Aunt was at the end of her pregnancy. And it just sunk in, shes going to have a baby, her 2nd baby at that.
And when she was in labor having my cousin i wanted to be the one on the bed giving birth to a innocent little baby, i was so cranky that day because of it. Everytime i see a baby it makes me want to be one I dont know what it is. I have raised 2 kids (my brothers) and even thou i have seen a child be born and seen the pain and know how miserable pregnancy can be i still want to become a mother. Now i know that it wont happen until God sees its My time to become a Wife and a mother i know its got to be in his time. but i dont know why i want to become a wife and mother so bad. My marnally side is really getin the best of me.