wow!

Wow i dont know where to begin. Life has been going. and i dont know if thats going fast, going good, going bad. So its just going. I still work at Sams Club as a cashier. I love it there. They work with my schedule and well thats important.
Right now my brothers are 10 and 8 and they are starting to become a pain in my tail-in. The more i try the more i feel like im failing. I don't understand it. The 8 year old is whiny the entire time after he gets home and the 10 year old i just dont know what to think about him. Sometimes hes so sweet and then other times its like hes a totally different child.
I believe they are getting to the point where they need a father around. Its gettin really hard and i don't know what to do or what to think. Like i said sometimes it easy others i feel really down and depressed like nothing will ever get better.
Through out the past year i have picked up reading very heavily. I can read practically any book in 2 days. The 50shades of Grey triology i read in 9 days. They were much longer books then normally. I enjoyed them.
Reading is my Get-Away-from-LIFE techniques. It works for me. for now. before it was crocheting. Now its reading.
Music well thats SAM HUNT AND ANDY GRAMMER ! !!!
NOTHING beats them two. LOVE THEM !

i HATE this feeling im having today!

So yesterday i went with my momma to get a barrel from my daddys job and i got to finally see him. It made me SOOOO happy to see him for a few minutes. but today its like i have this feeling that i hate everything. and i cant stand it. i wish momma could just see it but she can't. Its always "Your still sitting on that couch". And well i cant stand it. i wish she could see the hurt im feeling because i want my daddy back SOOO bad.

but today i did fold the loads of laundry that was sitting in the living room and i did make my brother some Tea and i got the boys to take a bath today and rolled the rest of her filters for her ciggerates so she doesn't have to buy a pack tonight. so i guess i did some 'progress' later on tonight but im hurting real bad on the inside.

And to tell the truth i get like this everytime i talk to him on the phone and right after i see him. I love seeing and spending time with my Daddy because i miss him so much. but i HATE feeling like this about the world/life. i just want the feeling to end.