i HATE this feeling im having today!

So yesterday i went with my momma to get a barrel from my daddys job and i got to finally see him. It made me SOOOO happy to see him for a few minutes. but today its like i have this feeling that i hate everything. and i cant stand it. i wish momma could just see it but she can't. Its always "Your still sitting on that couch". And well i cant stand it. i wish she could see the hurt im feeling because i want my daddy back SOOO bad.

but today i did fold the loads of laundry that was sitting in the living room and i did make my brother some Tea and i got the boys to take a bath today and rolled the rest of her filters for her ciggerates so she doesn't have to buy a pack tonight. so i guess i did some 'progress' later on tonight but im hurting real bad on the inside.

And to tell the truth i get like this everytime i talk to him on the phone and right after i see him. I love seeing and spending time with my Daddy because i miss him so much. but i HATE feeling like this about the world/life. i just want the feeling to end.

omgoodness what a day.

So i wake up to my mother fussing at my little brothers, she has never fussed at them this hard. Any ways she was pratically screamin at them because they made a mess in the kitchen while she was sleeping. Then when i get up she starts fusing at me... hello do NOT start fussing at me when i first get up its really RUDE and very unwelcoming it makes me want to go back to bed. anyways i look at my room and its a total disaster because my brothers decided to "play" in ALL my stuff: clothes, tapes, everything on my dresser and everything. so of course i start almost imedaitly cleanin up or well straightning up my room because i couldnt hardly walk without steping on something.Then she starts fussing at me because im cleaning up MY room instead of helping her cleaning up the front 2 rooms (livingroom and kitchen) well ive gotten to the point well i say forget it im not listening to you. so i pratically ignore her for the 10-15 mins shes fussing and hollering at me. Well after making 3 trips to the building washing clothes and taking my clothes to the building she decides we need to go to the store for the boys toothpaste and to get the dogs a flea collar. well after that we went to Walgreens to get my allergy meds and my brothers flouride tablets and to biglots so i can get ME a vaccume cleaner she says i would like to start going back to Ryans but the boys wont behave so i suggest well less take them on a trial run to Ryans and see how they do well Lou is exhaused hardly didnt want to eat and Sam well he just wanted to drink his drink. So after she got her belly full and out of the house some she was fine. and then we get back home and all hell broke out loose AGAIN. im startin to think this house is a curse or something because i dunno theres NO peace whatsoever in this household ever since my daddy left.  so yeah its been a OMG i wish this day would end already.